I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
