I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
