Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
