She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
