Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
