oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
