Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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