I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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