WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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