I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
