this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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