You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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