Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
