This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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