Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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