So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize