I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
