My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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