I'm jealous of your bromance
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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