sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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