I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
only you would photoshop your dick
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
