HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
