I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize