My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My dick has a subreddit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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