thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Blow job season was short but glorious.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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