i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
