wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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