You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
