you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
