Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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