Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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