apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two words: blizzard sex
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
