So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
