dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
