My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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