I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im holly from the hills drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
