I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
