Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
