My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
