I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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