I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
