I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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