i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
