I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
