I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
