hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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