Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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