It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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