i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
