i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
