i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
