Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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