it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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