Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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