Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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