He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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