I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
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The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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