Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
