I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
