i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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