I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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