Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
