ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
