He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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