the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
