Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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