Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
