I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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