If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
whose ass print is on the piano?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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