4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
