Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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