can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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