bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
