theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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