I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
