Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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