i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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