I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
