His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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