My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
